Authors note: It's been a while sorry, I haven't heard from James in a while but he came to me last night and spoke his story finally so here it is!
It was a cold and musty night when James stepped off the plane. He was now in Portland, Oregon. His shoes stank of James Trees and liverwurst, not the best smell in the world but James could deal with it.
James smelled something, something that wasn't the liverwurst-James Tree hybrid. It was thick and smelt like pineapple pizza. James knew exactly what he was dealing with it was Samuel Feenan. AKA "Rich" "Richtastic" "So fucking rich". James could smell someone that rich instantly. The stench, the stench of pineapple pizza with an ounce of fear dropped into its core.
"Greetings, James, it's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance once again, you god damn beautiful beast. I trust it your flight was okay?" James nodded and walked towards Samuel. "Samuel, my flight was perfect besides the fact that they wouldn't allow me to inject myself with some James Skag." "That's fine James, you need to lay off that shit, it's terrible for you."
"James I'd like for you to meet my two bodyguards, Chevor and Critchard." "Hallo" James replied and shook both their hands with a firm gorilla like grip.
"Let's talk and walk James, as you know I'm quite busy today. Lately I've been shitting my pants while dealing with this crippling new disease which affects the bladder, they call it "Grindin hog disease" makes me shit my pants more than i'd like honestly"
Just at that moment when Samuel finished his conversation a brown stained appeared on the back of his white dress pants. The stain moved ferociously down his leg and out of his pants, it then fell on the floor and gained the shape of a pig and took off.
"God damn, what the fuck was that? Did your shit just fucking turn into a pig and walk away?"
"Righto James! Like I said "Grindin Hog disease" even with all the fuckin' money I have! Me! Of all people the richest man in the universe I still can't cure this disease. I'm at 400 trillion USD currently, the richest man in the entire universe, I passed Garthintok the destroyer of Sheep just yesterday by 2 trillion!"
"That's great Samuel, but I got a bunch of urgent questions that need to be answered right now, I don't have time for any of this "Grindin Hog" bullshit. But we need to speak in private on this matter and the bodyguards need to not be in the room for it, let's go to someplace you think is secure to discuss this."
"This seems urgent and I do owe you a favor.. Okay, I'll do it just for you James, but you sure we can't bring Critchard and Chevor along? I trust them with my life!"
"No, sorry. I need to speak with you alone, I already spoke to Lord Devid on this matter, after I speak with you I am going to have this conversation with Paul Schultz, if I can find him."
"Fine, we'll leave them out of this. Critchard, Chevor stay here. James I got a nice ass automated teleporter so we can speak in private"
Chevor and Critchard sighed and froze in place awaiting their employer Samuel Feenans return. James and Samuel quickly head into a private terminal owned by Samuel. They hastily hopped onto the teleporter and the area around them distorted and shaked till it was black. Jame's vision was back and he was in a brightly lit room with a crazy city view.
"Samuel where are we?" James asked "In Tokyo. I always come here if I want to get away from everything no one knows about this place and who its owned by. It's perfect to come here if I get into any shit. Speaking of shit..."
Samuel then pulled down his pants as a huge shit came tumbling out like a fish in a barrel. The shit literally looked like it could create little shits of his own, it must have been 30-40 inches at the least! It morphed into a pig like before and ran away towards the door.
"My god... Samuel, your asshole has to hurt like a motherfucker! That's insane!"
"It's fine James, now what did you want to discuss?
"Samuel, have you been getting dreams? Nightmares to be precise...?"
Suddenly, Samuel broke down crying, his white suit wrinkled and his white dress pants with the huge brown stain in the back all the way down towards the leg. He looked severely affected by this question.
"Of course James! I've been getting these nightmares or visions even! I don't know what to make of them.. I... I.. I.. I get scared to sleep sometimes cause of them."
"Its okay, Samuel, its quite alright, I get them too! So does Lord Devid of the fourth Squad!"
"By Lord Devids beard... these are terrible I've seen visions of all of the gods dying. I saw you, James, dying of alcohol it was vodka you drank yourself to death! I saw Lord Devid lying in a puddle of blood with thousands of Jackdaws picking away at his corpse. Lastly, I saw Paul Schultz with a fedora doing some kind of jig but he had a skeleton body.
"Weird, listen I need you to help me find Paul Schultz, all of us gods need to have a gathering at the hall of Gods. It's important to see if Paul is having these nightmares/visions as well!"
"Okay, James I'll find out where he is in the mean time stay here and rest a little I'll get you a ticket to wherever he is in the morning"
James seeks out Samuel Feenan and needs to speak with him, Samuel has a disease, they both speak and Samuel has the visions/dreams as well. They both sleep and James will look for Paul Schultz in the morning.
Interesting facts Edit
Written by Disciple Eric
Chapter introduces Chevor and Critchard
First mention of Garthintok the destroyer of sheep
Samuel Feenan is now the richest man in the universe
First mention of Samuel Feenan of Grindin' hog disease